Final Frontier

I still get a thrill from images like this.

It's strange but true that, unlike a great many people, I still find the whole space programme rather inspirational and compelling. It's a rare sight these days to see a Space Shuttle being transported like this (they prefer to land them back in Florida), and it does look rather old and clunky in many ways (it was designed nearly 40 years ago), but I think it reminds us of a more optimistic and idealistic time.

The Space Shuttle was born at the peak of the Space race, conceived during the golden Apollo years when everything seemed possible - after all getting to the moon had only taken 7 years. The reality was somewhat different - with NASA being pulled in different directions, budget cuts and persistent problems it was 10 years after Apollo when the Shuttle finally took flight.

The history of the Shuttle has, perhaps, not been flawless, but when you remember that until the dawn of the reusable spacecraft a very, very small number of people had been into orbit. At the end of 18 years of service, there are now a whole army of those who have left the Earth. Although the craft never became what NASA envisaged - never the cheap, reliable, day-to-day space transport, but its achievments are nevertheless, remarkable.

The Shuttle will be retired next year and it will be the end of an era. Not just the era of the shuttle itself, but the era of optimistic, idealistic spaceflight. It is the legacy of the Kennedy space race, a bold, ambitious move to make space more accessible and a fitting tribute to all those who laboured to let mankind take its first, small steps away from the planet. Despite being an outmoded, expensive and none-too-safe system, I, for one, feel sadness at the end of such an era. It remains to be seen if the ambitions of NASAs current flagship manned space programme, Constallation, will have the same ability to inspire and compel attention - based firmly, as it is, in the budget mentality. Time will tell, but time will also remember the Space Shuttle.

Times pass

I stayed up especially to watch Morrissey on Johnathan Ross' show last night.

I'm not sure why, I guess I was just interested to see what he'd be like - I'd not realy been aware of him for years and, for me, he was still caught in a timewarp from the late 80's/90's.

I don't mind admitting that I was quite keen on quite a number of his works, especially The Smiths. He got quite a rough ride at times, became ridiculously pretentious and smug, but beyond it all wrote and sung some wonderful songs in his own, unqiue angst-ridden way. You always knew when it was a Morrissey song.

So what would he be doing now and what would he look like. Quite alarmingly, he was singing very similar sorts of songs in a very similar way. To me it sounded less edgy, more like going through the motions than really feeling every word and sentiment, and the voice had lost some of its raw power, but it was obviously him.

But when I looked at him performing, 20 years on from the big-time, it just struck me that he looked like a cross between an aging Country-and-Western singer and one of your mates Dad's from when you were a kid. It just didn't seem right that he was still singing these songs. I don't know if that's wrong of me or wrong of him - I know I still have many of the emotions I did 20 years ago, but I guess I can't pretend they are the same ones or that they still keep me awake at night. I think most of us find some way of finding some peace with ourselves later in life, which is a place we just haven't got to when we're in our 20's.

So, I felt a little sad. Sad that, as much as you might want it to, time never stands still. We all get older, we all change, and I think, if we're wise, we accept that this happens. There's nothing wrong with this, it's inevitable. But then, maybe it's not him, maybe it's me. When I heard his old songs for the first time, I was in a very different place than I am now. I like to think that I am happy with this and accept it, but perhaps from time to time I still like to think that I could change the World, just like we all thought at one stage in our lives.

To quote the man himself, has the World changed or have I changed?

Confused

It is confusing how much work I'm suddenly having to do.

After months of quiet solitude and bimbling about with very little to do, things have suddenly come to a head and I'm dashing all over the country giving demos and having meetings. It's just not on.

Admittedly, none of these meetings seem particularly productive and we've just had a major foundation stone unceremoniously ripped out from under us, but I am still surprised at how much interest has suddenly been generated in our company and product. We do have a new freelance sales chap - which does explain a lot of it.

The physical new product (due end August) is still not here - mostly due to the fact we still have some outstanding issues with the supplier (which are a bit commercially sensitive).

So all in all, we seem to be steaming at full speed in ever descreasing circles and probably generating our own whirlpool in which to drown.

Anyway, this, and the fact I decided to embark on a programming project of my own which is rather far-fetched and foolish, but keeps me off the streets, is the reason for lack of posts and general activity in the past couple of weeks.

P.S. I still haven't seen the next episode of Fringe, but if and when I do, I shall be sure to report back

@Home

A few times during my working career I've ended up working from home for some time. I find it can be quite a strange existence.

I am now in such a situation, although somewhat different from previous times. Usually I have some pretty agressive timescales and opt to work at home in order to focus on the important stuff I need to do. Right now I'm at home because there is no one else in the office anyway.

I work about 30 minutes car journey from home and I was leading a team, producing a telecare product. At the end of March, money became very tight and my entire team either left or were made redundant. Since then, myself and the sales chap have been going into the office twice a week, since it makes little difference, most of the time, where we are physically sitting. This has worked quite well, and although it's a big change from being in the office each day with lots of people, the variety of home and office has been OK - at least for novelty value, if nothing else.

Now, the sales chap is leaving. So that leaves me and our two directors in the company - directors who seldom show up in the office. So now I wonder how to divide my time between home and office. There are, of course, some things I need to go into the office for, but many things I don't.

There is also the question of motivation. A company which has an ever shrinking workforce, a lack of money and no customers is not the most inspiring place to be. Even when you believe in the product itself - and I do - it's difficult to find the drive to do all the things that need to be done - especially when you're at home and there are the inevitable distractions. I guess it's all about balance and finding the right mix of work and non-work to keep things sustainable. Having spent 2 years battling and working flat-out to get the product completed it's quite a shock to the system.

I guess I'll just have to see how it goes.

Red Kites

The Red Kites are back. We can see them from our house.

They seem to have been a bit scarce of late, but they're back again now. It's amazing to watch these big birds circle around the house, calling to one another. They're particularly impressive when it's windy and you can see them adjusting their wings and tail in response to the wind.

I've never lived in a place before where you get such fantastic views of birds like this. It's mesmerising - especially when you should be working.

Ducks

We have ducks in our garden.

They are Mallards and they are wild.

Herself keeps feeding them, which means they keep coming back in ever larger numbers. Which means more noise and more poo.

They can spot you through the window, even upstairs, and they get very excited and expect to be fed. This involves queueing up outside the door and quacking - sometimes loudly, sometimes not. If you do venture outside, they will follow you everywhere in the hope you might drop some seed.

I have to say, though, although they can be annoying, there are also hilarious. I particularly like the way they sit underneath the bird feeders we have in our trees and beg the sparrows to drop some seed - which they do, being very messy eaters - the ducks then mop this up with great efficiency. Also, once they've eaten, they all setting down for a snooze for an hour or so, and then walk off somewhere else.

I am constantly amazed that they can actually fly. They seem to be the wrong shape. Admittedly, flying does seem to take a tremendous amount of effort - and they certainly don't have the hang of landings - you can almost see the look of panic on their faces as they get near the ground. They also almost always topple over forwards. Probably why they prefer to walk everywhere.

Landmark

I was 40 this week.

Seems very strange to be saying that, since I think I'd only just about got used to being in my 30s.

Lots of things I can remember so clearly (and don't really seem that long ago) are now 2 decades in my past - at a time when I only HAD 2 decades of past.

Looking back, I feel that my 30s have been my best decade to date. I think I found out a lot about myself, did a lot of things I should have done a long time before and generally finally felt OK about being me. My 20s were much more about being irresponsible and having fun - not that I don't continue to do these things - from time to time. Getting married is probably the most obvious example of the change in me - I can't imagine even thinking about it when I was 28 or 29.

I grew up in an age where in 1999 the moon left the oribit of the Earth and in 2001 we found signs of intelligent life on the moon (must have come back by then). So much was predicted "by 2000" - including thinking machines, nuclear war and space travel for all. It's easy to think that little has really changed, but in fact much has, although in more subtle and insideous ways that we could ever have imagined.

I was just turning 30 when I had my first real exposure to the internet - and now I find it hard to imagine a single day without it. I had my first mobile phone just a couple of years before that - and by the time I was 30, GSM was making big headways and we all got introduced to SMS. We now routinely use computers in our homes and offices which are incomprehensibly powerful and can store ridiculous amounts of information - however because the software running on a lot of them is so poor, we hardly notice.

Some things seem to be cyclical, though. Having spent years moving computing power away from huge mainframes onto the desktop, we're now told cloud computing is the way forward - back to the big data centres - albeit in a far more elegant way. I, once again, drive a Mini - having learnt in Minis and last driven one back in the early 90s. OK, so it's not a _real_ Mini, but it still has the same feel (for me, anyway).

And so, as I wave farewell to that decade, I can reflect that it's really the first decade of my life I was really aware about entering and leaving. Too many other new things were going on when I entered my 20s that I didn't really notice (and it didn't seem such a big deal).

What will the next decade bring for me? Probably about time for a mid-life crisis, I think.